Jesus for Investmentbankers

24 09 2008

By Economicsfairy

There is really nothing to worry about, guys. Absolutely nothing.

Because HE is back.

Didn’t we sense it? Of course, God will not let down HIS own beloved country, never ever, don’t you worry. So HE came back in the form of Warren Buffett and with about five billion dollars for Goldman Sachs (you remember, the bank with the extraordinary sharp and bright management). Analysts probably believed it was Christmas, nearly cried with joy and fell on their knees. One of these lunatics in Hongkong said something like: “Everybody follows God, but Warren Buffett shows the way.” Honestly, guys, read it on the net, I’m not making it up. We’re talking about the US here, so you don’t have to make anything up anyway. Turbo Finance Capitalism Insanity is REAL. (But FREE only for bankers – which makes totally sense because everybody else has to FINANCE the party, so how could it be free for them?)

Anyway, now Salvation is near, guys, believe it. Because HE will do it. Actually, HE doesn’t like Wall Street that much, but still: HE will sacrifice – okay, not himself (someone tried that already a while ago and as we know so far it hasn’t helped much). No, Warren Buffett will send five billion dollars. Maybe more, who knows.

By the way, Warren wants to avoid another “Pearl Harbour”. Yes, honestly, that’s what he said. Didn’t he know that a Japanese bank already thinks about helping out Goldman Sachs as well? – Maybe that’s what he fears …

On the other hand – doesn’t the US already belong to Asia anyway, more or less? I mean isn’t it these intelligent and hard-working guys over there who save shit loads of money in order to finance American consumption? And because the poor lads still believe in the current and future value of the dollar. I think China must own at least a few square miles of the USA already, maybe even a few states. Maybe Disneyland?

Coming to think of it, we should really do more deals with China. Firms who sell all their toys to the US could sell them directly to China, everything else is just going a long way round, isn’t it? Honestly, if the USA are living on credit to that extent, why the hell do we need them as a motor for the world economy? What exactly is their contribution apart from brainless consumption and fucking up countries that possess a bit too much oil? Selling directly to China also doesn’t make much difference in terms of morality, because both countries are no real democracies.

As for Warren Jesus Buffett, we have to stop being ironical here and thank him for his salvation actions, because 1), he knows more about the market than the guys in Washington and so might make less mistakes AND 2) the more the money comes from people like HIM, the less the burden for the taxpayers. Maybe HE can even prevent the new model for capitasocialism a la USA: Privatize profits and socialise losses.

Everything will be fine.




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